Leadership is simply too complex to do perfectly. I believe that the key to being a better boss lies in accepting that fact.
Ineffective leaders expect their role to be easy and think -- no matter what -- that they're doing the job just right. Although good leaders often begin with similar expectations, convinced they're natural-born chieftains, they soon run smack-dab into a little thing called Monday morning.
The best leaders let go of the fantasy and become fully present and responsive to the complexities of each new situation. They're the ones -- the few, the proud, the downright worshipped -- who earn their followers' respect.
To become one of them, you need to turn bad-boss behaviors on their head to find your way toward good-boss techniques.
Bad-boss self-concept: As a leader, I'll be a higher-up.
Good-boss self-concept: As a leader, I'll have to go lower down.
The bad-boss tales I've heard include many stories of managers demanding the undoable, responding to objections by simply reiterating that it had to be done. This creates nothing but hostility.
"If you want to govern the people, you must place yourself below them," said the philosopher Lao-tzu (who is my favorite management consultant, despite having been dead for centuries).
That doesn't mean you become a slave to your followers' whims. Great bosses acknowledge their own ignorance and ask questions of everyone to gain a better grasp of two important things: What's going on? What needs to be done?
Bad-boss target setting: Now that I'm the boss, I give orders to others.
Good-boss target setting: Now that I'm the boss, I bring order to what others do.
Many people thrill to giving orders or critiques but have unclear, uninformed or ambivalent ideas about what they're actually trying to accomplish -- that is, they know what they want this second, but the big picture is as fuzzy as a winter mink.
